You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize