I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
They took my balls.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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