Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
