babies were throwing up all over the place
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
