last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
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