i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
