we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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