i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
