I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
