I wish I only lived at night.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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