he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
