I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
