I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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