Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
