Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
