Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
