I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Randomize
