you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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