whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
