Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize