Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
there is puke in my bra ... again
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
