I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
