hotel room ftw
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
