it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
