I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
