So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
