you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
