dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
zippers are such a cool invention
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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