Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
