Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
