When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
