did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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