If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
