he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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