Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
