so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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