What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
