my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
