im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
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