Where did you get a picture of my penis
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
