my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
