I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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