Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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