you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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