I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize