turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
