I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
