i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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