just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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