It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
