I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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