I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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