If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize