I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
