I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
