alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
