yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize