Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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