You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
