Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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