I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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