I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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