i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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