Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize