i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
